Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
