Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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