I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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