I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
