i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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