The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
