wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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