I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
