After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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