Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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