If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
