I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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