we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
