He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
