then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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