Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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