would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think my moral compass just broke
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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