dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
