so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
just found out that she named her cat after me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
