the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
