Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
