i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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