The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
