hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
