dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My vagina just clenched in fear
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
