Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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