And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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