So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
