I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
