DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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