Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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