Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
