So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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