what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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