I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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