Swine flu. Run for my life!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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