i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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