Already got asked if we're dating
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
