i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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