if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You're like the curious george of whores
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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