We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
