we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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