We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
