omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
