Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
