remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
