Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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