Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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