the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
