After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
