i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
