I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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