I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
