He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
