I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
