You just made me feel so damn special
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
