Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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