Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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