my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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