lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
