He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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