woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
