We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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