Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
