wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
