Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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