woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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